In first grade when they were taking our class picture I turned around to look behind me to make sure my teacher was smiling. The photographer took another picture but the one that was printed was me turned around. When the picture was given out to us kids I got a lot ridicule for being so stupid and I ruined the whole picture. I felt stupid!!!! When I look at that picture now I don't feel insecure but I still feel a slight hurt for that little 6 year old girl that ruined the picture. In reality it is a picture with of a bunch of cute kids and one looking behind her to see if her beautiful teacher is smiling, a story. I was so cute!!!!
Yesterday at church something happen that I was so embarrassed about that it made me cry when I got home. I think it made me cry because I felt all the feelings that I felt from that situation in First Grade. When I was walking out of the church I said out loud "I feel like I am in First Grade again. ". Those childhood insecurities never leave?
I am actually over the embarrassing situation that happened at church, but man I had to think though all those insecurities again. (No, not over the situation enough to share it with the world)
It is interesting how things can trigger both good and bad memories. I encourage the happy memory triggers but man it hurts when the bad memory triggers happen.
Life is never dull.
4 Random Thoughts:
Awww...you are as adorable as you were in first grade, that's for certain. (((hugs)))
i pretty much feel that way all the time delilas. dumb. awkward. not in control.
you are not alone.
and more importantly -- you are loved.
It really hurts me to hear that story. I think of your support crew durning that time and it hurts me to know that your Mom was gone. The one person we all turn to to be consoled. Daddy wasn't much help because he was worried more about himself. I think you are wonderful. Thanks for sharing. Just know that your brother loves you.
Sorry for this, but as you may know, I see meaning in the letters that one has to use to make a post. I don't think anybody cares so I try to refrain from writing about them but the one today seems to apply. Forgive me. It is "suffirys". It means those experiences that cause us to rexperience times in our lives that were unpleasant. It's a noun and used in a sentence: My first grade class picture is one of my "suffirys" that always brings back emotion.
Hey D, I don't ever remember thinking that you ruined the Picture. Hope I wasn't the mean one!!! I don't even remember talking to anyone but Kim, I was dang shy back then. Love you!!!! Glad I can call you my friend!!!:)
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